By Jessica Williams, 18yrs

Recently I was looking online at ‘vintage pictures’ for inspiration of images that I could put up in my room. What I discovered littered between sepia images of flowers, old keys, and the Eiffel tower, was quite revealing: I found articles/advertisements, similar to the one below, for women who have poor body image, advocating weight gain by saying: “Don’t think you’re “born” to be skinny and friendless”…. “If you want to look better by adding desired pounds and inches of welcome weight… try WATE-ON”, and “Men wouldn’t look at me when I was skinny”. In a nutshell these body images show skinny as the undesired body shape and the one to get rid of.

This baffled me, as in my living memory, all I have ever been told and shown in magazines, on TV, etc… is that skinny is the ideal and that one can never be too thin! And this summary doesn’t come close to representing all of the articles, in fact there were many more – it seems that at the time, that was what was ‘normal’ and widespread; that the media portrayed the ideal as ‘curvy and gorgeous’ instead of the current ‘slim and beautiful’.

I had all these thoughts going through my head: who then decides the ‘ideal’? What an outrage…. and…. How can it change with time? But what I could see is that although, yes, there is an ideal that was presented in the media of that time that is different to the ideal that is presented now – it is actually still the same – just two different sides of the same coin! There is the same undercurrent of women being unhappy with their bodies, and that even though some may have achieved the ‘ideal’ (shown in the articles as models for the ‘look’), how could it have satisfied them when the ideal then shifted to the opposite!

It would appear that there was no passing down through generations of how to be satisfied with our body regardless of what’s ‘trending’ and what someone else’s choice of an ideal body image might be.
This leaves us with two important questions:

The latter seems the more obvious choice to me…. And as part of starting (or continuing) this discussion, I would like to contribute that in my experience of women who both dislike and love their bodies – it seems like the dissatisfaction doesn’t actually come from how women look and whether they are curvy or skinny, but from how they live and feel in their own skin on a daily basis.

My experience of women who truly love their bodies (regardless of the ‘ideal’ body image out there) and describe themselves as beautiful even though they may not be size 0, is that the way they live and take care of themselves affirms their body confidence and supports them in every way.

There is also a deep honouring of how they feel, what they feel to do, when they feel to go to bed if tired, and what they feel to eat. And there is a connection or relationship with the fact that they (and all women) are naturally beautiful on the inside – that the amazingness they feel every day that comes as a result of these choices to live in a different way to the trend, can be expressed outwards, and it just so happens that very often this expression through their clothes, makeup and movements, can be truly beautiful.

By Jessica Williams, 18yrs

The weekend before last, I was feeling great in myself, no feeling of self-loathing in sight and whilst tidying my room I decided to go through the clothes in my closet. I was in the mood for a deep clear out, and it was definitely needed!

Around two and a half years ago I put on a substantial amount of weight (around 10kg) and within a number of months another 5kg got added more gradually. This was a consequence of not wanting to move forward in my life, and instead digging my heels in. As a result a lot of my clothes, especially jeans and dresses, didn’t fit me any more. My body image hit rock bottom, and my self-loathing skyrocketed.
Instead of throwing these clothes away I made piles of them and put these piles at the back of my cupboard, so that when I ‘got skinny’ in the future (that was the plan), I would be able to wear them again. Sounds practical and simple, no? Or so I thought..

Part of the reason I was going through my closet was because I have been starting to feel better about my body as I had lost some of this excess weight recently. It did not happen through any crazy diet, such as the one-day eating/one-day not eating, which I had tried before and it didn’t really work for me, or a new and improved exercise routine. All I did was start to make different choices to look after myself, and to do things that make me feel good – super simple. A stark contrast to the regular binges that I used to do almost every night, and the total lack of exercise. But that’s another story…
So, back to the closet, I was going through the clothes and although some of them now fitted me – I didn’t feel any self-applause, and there was no climatic moment, which is what I had expected myself to feel after hardly being able to breathe whenever I tried these clothes on over the past two years. Instead I actually felt unsettled and uncomfortable. But why?

Whilst trying the clothes, I could feel the self loathing that I had been bullying myself with just oozing out of the closet, like I had been holding my self and my body to ransom for all that time, saying “you’re not good enough unless you fit into these clothes”. That’s a lot of times, opening up my closet and instead of looking in my mirror on the inside of my cupboard door and appreciating and adoring what I saw, I was bullying myself in my head saying I was just not good enough.
What I realised is that these piles of self-loathing had just been sitting there in my room and in my mind/body for all this time, and I had been carrying it with me every single day. I can now understand why I have avoided looking at my body so much in the past and have just used clothes to hide in, instead of expressing how beautiful I actually am.

In the week after I cleared out my closet I felt a lot lighter – not necessarily on the scales, but in how I approached each day, and in everything that I did. It was interesting to notice that I enjoyed living in and looking at my body more and more as the week went on – which was amazing to feel, and I felt beautiful not because of how I looked in the mirror or if I fitted into the ‘skinny clothes’, but because of how I felt when I walked, worked and when I spoke.
But at the start of this week, there was a difference. There were those thoughts sneaking in again of, “you should lose weight” or “that’s not good enough”. At first I was annoyed, as I thought I had gotten over this self-loathing issue the week before! However, I realised it doesn’t happen just like that – my closet was just one ‘pocket’ that I had looked at and by looking at it and dealing with it (or at least having a first go, as there is more clearing out to do), it had made a huge difference in my life.
The question then came; what is the next pocket to look at?
I came to an understanding that instead of going the downward spiral way of putting myself down (which I have experienced), and getting trapped in self-loathing I can only grow in how beautiful I feel as a woman if I am prepared to look at what the next thing, in the way of me expressing in full, is there to let go of.

As a professional Makeup artist I have worked with faces for more than 25 years. The differences between them have been distinctive, yet I have loved every single one of them.
When I see your face, I see and feel your eyes. Your windows, your truth and often your hiding. I also feel your sadness, joy and hurt and so much more…
When I see your face, I see the Angel living inside. We all come in different forms and often the supposedly ‘plainest’ face can hold the most beautiful person beneath it. The classically beautiful face can sometimes hide a person who feels objectified, hurt and judged. When I look, I feel for your essence in there.

Often over the years I have noticed that EVERYONE is beautiful when they smile from the deepest part of themselves… their soul… no matter what they look like.
As an Inner Image consultant I have noticed that women will often apologise for how they look.

They will sit down in front of me and say things like:

• I am sorry I look a mess today.
• I am sorry I am looking tired.
• I am sorry I have no makeup on.
• I am old and wrinkled, freckled, plain, tired etc.
• I am asked: what can you do with this old face?

The younger ladies will often have layers of makeup on to hide behind or feel that they may be looked at in judgement from me… they apologise also.
Well, I am here to say to you that your apology is not accepted. Because in truth, when you apologise, you are saying you are not good enough.
Women have spent their lives rubbing, pinching, applying creams, makeup, lotions, facials, hair dying, surgery, the list goes on – to have a ‘beautiful’ face.
We compare, compete and comply. With our sisters, mothers, daughters and friends.  
“It’s an unspoken war on women, and we are the enemy”.
We are taught from birth that if we look pretty, attractive and sexy according to society’s definition, that there lies the answer to a successful life.
We are taught that we are better looking when we are young and as we age and wrinkle we lose this attractiveness. This is not true.

9 Reasons for Women to Smile

1. Make no apology for how you look. Accept your own face the way it is. Without makeup.
2. When you apply makeup – do it to celebrate your beautiful face, not to mask it.
3. Know that you chose your looks for a reason.
4. Start expressing your true thoughts about beauty with your friends – open up the opportunity to connect withOUT comparison.
5. Accept your age, nationality and cultural features.
6. See the Angel within you. Your face will begin to make loving sense.
7. Smile your big smile from who you truly are and never apologise for being uniquely, strangely, oddly, classically beautiful.
8. Inspire others to love their own reflection by accepting and loving your own first.
9. Spend a moment each day looking deep into your own eyes – see your innermost beauty with love and self-acceptance.
   

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