Words by Rebecca Asquith, Photo by Emilia Pettinato
Today I opened up my emails and saw the truth beneath ‘pretty’. A young woman was staring back at me from a dress-shop advert, her Barbie-eyes almost painted on… and not just the make-up but the eyeball itself, a flat matte blue.
Her hair was styled just so, the predictable tresses falling around her shoulders, the Hollywood curls that every ad-girl seems to have – the epitome of typical beauty. Thigh gap. Skin bronzed. Teeth whitened. Check.
But there it was. The undeniable thing that everyone can feel whether they wish to see it or not.
The young woman was anxious. It was there in plain sight. It was in her look to the camera. A look that seemed to silently scream, ‘please tell me you approve of me. Please do something to help me believe I am worthy of being in this photo, in your gaze… in these pages and in my own skin.’
All the make-up became invisible.
In that moment all the constructed ‘prettiness’ fell away, stripped back to the raw... and I was left looking at the reality: at the ugly truth of the anxiety and lack of self-worth that so many girls and women find that they feel every day.
Despite every effort, young women are more anxious than ever before with 1 in 3 experiencing anxiety and many more running in a low-grade form of anxiety most of the time. (Beyond Blue, 2015)
And even the best selfie with the best lighting and the best angle doesn’t take that look out of the eyes; if it relieves the tension for a few ‘likes’ it is only momentary. The tension returns; it doesn’t change the race we are running against an invisible enemy.
When I was young I was sold a lie about pretty. It is a lie I still get caught by. The lie is this. If you make yourself pretty you will be liked . . . Prince Charming / some hot guy will see you, fall in love on sight and protect you for the rest of his days, the happy-ever-after we chase like a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
But here are a few things I have learnt about ‘pretty’:
To know yourself is to know your power. The most powerful and beautiful women I know are beautiful because they know themselves. Their eyes are not flat, but on fire with a spark and spunk that no hyper-blue purple contact lens can imitate. Their eyes never ask you to like them – they tell you they are It.
And your power might be delicate – sometimes you might be shy, sometimes you will feel a lot, honouring what you feel and really clocking it, then standing by yourself as though you are your own best friend; that is a power that others will know you by. And the best part is you won’t even be looking to see if they see it, because you will be living in it and not looking for someone else out there to confirm it for you – you will be too busy enjoying the skin you are in…
What is beauty and power to you? Let us know in the comments.
All the make-up became invisible.
In that moment all the constructed ‘prettiness’ fell away, stripped back to the raw... and I was left looking at the reality: at the ugly truth of the anxiety and lack of self-worth that so many girls and women find that they feel every day.
Despite every effort, young women are more anxious than ever before with 1 in 3 experiencing anxiety and many more running in a low-grade form of anxiety most of the time. (Beyond Blue, 2015)
And even the best selfie with the best lighting and the best angle doesn’t take that look out of the eyes; if it relieves the tension for a few ‘likes’ it is only momentary. The tension returns; it doesn’t change the race we are running against an invisible enemy.
When I was young I was sold a lie about pretty. It is a lie I still get caught by. The lie is this. If you make yourself pretty you will be liked . . . Prince Charming / some hot guy will see you, fall in love on sight and protect you for the rest of his days, the happy-ever-after we chase like a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
But here are a few things I have learnt about ‘pretty’:
- Striving to look pretty in order to be liked leaves you feeling anxious… and it doesn’t work, because anxiousness is not enjoyable. And it is your joy that makes you gorgeous.
- Ask yourself how many times a day you do things because you think that it is what someone else wanted you to do or say. Really stop and ask yourself. It might surprise you how often we do things based on their perceived value to others.
- Feeling beautiful and getting to know yourself, in detail – really asking yourself what is your favourite colour, lipstick or gloss (or not), what is your favourite pair of jeans or dress and what feels right for you today – is key to getting to know yourself.
To know yourself is to know your power. The most powerful and beautiful women I know are beautiful because they know themselves. Their eyes are not flat, but on fire with a spark and spunk that no hyper-blue purple contact lens can imitate. Their eyes never ask you to like them – they tell you they are It.
And your power might be delicate – sometimes you might be shy, sometimes you will feel a lot, honouring what you feel and really clocking it, then standing by yourself as though you are your own best friend; that is a power that others will know you by. And the best part is you won’t even be looking to see if they see it, because you will be living in it and not looking for someone else out there to confirm it for you – you will be too busy enjoying the skin you are in…
What is beauty and power to you? Let us know in the comments.
 | Rebecca Asquith is an internet professional, writer and media educator with an interest in women’s health and wellbeing online and off. She will be presenting on social media and body image at the upcoming Girl to Woman Festival on Saturday January 9th 2016. Follow her on Twitter @bec_asquith For festival updates follow @girl_2_woman |
